Hey. So a bit of a drastic change for me, I'm going to be joining the National Guard in about 2 weeks. It's always been on the sidelines as one of those things I have to do in this life. I have a lot of reasons for doing this now, but most simply, i feel this is the next step in my path. I'm not going to lie, this is both terrifying and exciting... but I know I will be better in the end for it. I will put theory into action and myself against the sharpening stone; and in the process I'll work toward loosening many chains that have held me down, some for most of my life.

I'm typing this to let everyone know I will be out of reach for about 4 months... I hope you will all wish me luck, im going to bring my sketchpad, and I'll post what i have when i get internet access.


Commission Status: OPEN
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Pencil Sketches:
Bust: $8 - Full Body: $12 - Scene: $18
Pencil shaded:
Bust: $12 - Full Body: $18 - Scene: $25
Digitally Shaded/Colored:
Bust: $18 - Full Body: $25 - Scene $35


Currently Working On/Avoiding Completion of
-- Bilderburg the Owl :: Texture

So as the title says, I made a new 3D character which is in the gallery now. I'm surprised i never actually posted the concept, it must have fallen through the cracks. This was the first time I'd done something other than the standard humanoid character, and also my first time making wings that seem to be cleanly deformable for animation.

I finished this model in only 3 days worth of work, and about 3 hours today to do final tweaks and unwrap the UV's. This is the fastest and most efficient I've ever worked, and I'm pretty impressed with myself considering *iDNAR's CG Girl took me over a year to complete. Granted, there were long periods of time I wasn't working on her... but still, it took me forever even when I was working. I'm not sure exactly how many hours the model took, I'm going to have to pay better attention to that next time.

I basically just worked until I reached what I felt was an acceptable milestone, and called it a day. I did my best to work smarter, making fewer steps and fewer last minute tweaks, and hence fewer opportunities to get bored with the project. Hopefully this attitude keeps up so i can build a really nice 3D portfolio.


Commission Status: OPEN
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Pencil Sketches:
Bust: $8 - Full Body: $12 - Scene: $18
Pencil shaded:
Bust: $12 - Full Body: $18 - Scene: $25
Digitally Shaded/Colored:
Bust: $18 - Full Body: $25 - Scene $35


Currently Working On/Avoiding Completion of
-- Bilderburg the Owl :: Texture

Hey. I'm finally on summer break from the cooking job and unwinding a lot. I got a summer cooking job at this place that seems pretty cool. I also talked to a local design company that needs a 3D artist, heres hoping on that. Doing well all over. I've been practicing my martial arts stuff with my roommate a lot lately, and starting to really do well with it. A new 3D character is on the way, this one much more cartoony than my previous stuff. It shouldn't take too long as its a simple project but a good one nonetheless. Yeah, this is gonna be a good summer


Commission Status: OPEN
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Pencil Sketches:
Bust: $8 - Full Body: $12 - Scene: $18
Pencil shaded:
Bust: $12 - Full Body: $18 - Scene: $25
Digitally Shaded/Colored:
Bust: $18 - Full Body: $25 - Scene $35


Currently Working On/Avoiding Completion of
-- CG Girl [link] - Animatiing

I've been feeling really good lately. It was a rough winter for everyone, and I was pretty depressed for a while. But I had 3 separate sources in 3 days remind me of something I had somehow forgotten.

The past few years, I've been under the impression that I had 'recovered' from Seattle. I went out there with a newly found faith in the universe, but eventually lost it by holding too tightly onto something that I had thought was making me happy at the time. Time passed, debt accrued, friends clashed, and I was never to speak to one of my best friends again. In my time at MHz, I'd gotten over and understood the lessons of my experiences there. I had new problems and new lessons as time went on, but I only realized a few days ago the larger incarnation of what I had lost.

When I was in Florida and on the road to Seattle, everyone I talked to told me that they would love to jump in the van with me and just go, if it wasn't for ______. I always used to think that was funny, because I had let go of those thoughts and lived in the moment. At the time, I called it my absolute faith that, if I followed my path, everything would be taken care of. That was all the strength I needed for my journey, and I remember thinking that was the time I felt the most alive. I took a short vacation in Florida in October 2006, during which I traveled across state a few times and vowed to make no plans more than a day in advance. Now, I see that I had unknowingly stumbled back on my own ways, if only for a week.

Over time, my art became a crutch. Something I felt I had to do to get me out of the debt that school and pursuit of a job had gotten me into. As a recent post had said, I realized that this had killed my love of doing art for art's sake. But the one thing that still depressed me was the fact that I had a debt looming over and me that demanded heavy sacrifice every month. This was made heaver by fear of letting down my family and friends If i wasn't able to come through. It made me perpetually bitter and exhausted even though, as time went on, i was growing closer and closer to the 'old me'. The upbeat smartass who was amazed by life and wanted nothing more than to follow his path and grow as a person.

In the last few days, I've been reflecting on the last few years. MHz was and is a detour that has been more than worth the trip. Slowly and surely, I've been getting back the pieces of the puzzle that I'd lost, and more than a few new ones especially social elements. Most recently, I've remembered theres no point in stressing over the future. Of course do what you need to do, and take actions toward the directions you wish to go, but don't let what is around the corner jade you to what is here and now. Pay attention to the amazing things and people around you. "The cause of suffering is attachment or desire." said Buddha, and I can see so many examples of that in myself and others now.

I also realized that I had a worry-free attitude as far school and college when I was younger. I never understood why my classmates got so stressed out over tests. I would do a light review of the important material, and had the attitude "if i know it, i know it. Thats the point of a test." This is important because When I started following my path in Florida, I had a tendency to beat myself up about taking so long to figure such a thing out. Before that point I saw myself as a lazy, unmotivated, pathetic loser. Now I realize that I've always just been me, and I was just younger and less experienced back then. Before you can love others, you have to love yourself, and i think I'm finally starting to do that.

On another topic; at the beginning of the school year, I decided to start reading books at work during my break instead of just sitting there. a total of about 40 minutes of reading a day, optimally. Now that the school year is over, I thought back on all the books I'd read, and was surprised to see how many they were. here's the list, in order of most recent.

"The Way of the Peaceful Warrior" by Dan Millman (3rd time)
"The Once and Future King" by T.H. White
"The Shift: A Revolution in Human Consciousness" by Owen Waters
"Scepticism, Inc." by Bo Fowler
"Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller
"Life of Pi" by Yann Martel
"Illusions" by Richard Bach (2nd time)
"Dune" by Frank Herbert
"Kafka" by R. Crumb
"Blankets" by Craig Thompson
"Carnet de Voyage" by Craig Thompson
"Tao of Pooh" by Benjamin Hoff (2nd time)
"Still Life with Woodpecker" by Tom Robbins
"Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams
"The Pilgrimage" by Paulo Coehlo

I also read through old Far Side and Calvin and Hobbes archives between books, but I won't count those. I used to love reading when I was a kid, but high school kinda jaded me to that. It's nice to get back into doing something I used to love.


Commission Status: OPEN
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Pencil Sketches:
Bust: $8 - Full Body: $12 - Scene: $18
Pencil shaded:
Bust: $12 - Full Body: $18 - Scene: $25
Digitally Shaded/Colored:
Bust: $18 - Full Body: $25 - Scene $35


Currently Working On/Avoiding Completion of
-- CG Girl [link] - Animatiing

Ahh, spring. The season of change. A transition period which is chaotic in nature, breaking out of the shell of winter. nice, cold, rain, cold, nice, rain, nice, snow, etc. I think new years should be changed to March 1st, it would make much more sense. people would probably me more apt to keeping their resolutions as they see spring changing the world around them.

Anyway, slowly starting to crawl my way out of the winter funk. Kinda neat watching my art and journals change in tone over the last few months. I've been getting practice at things im looking to improve about my art. I'm working on my 3D portfolio, drawing larger, adding backgrounds and environments, and being more diverse in general. Not trying to be a jack of all trades, just learning to improve the things that i think are haltering my improvement.

I've been counting down the days till summer break when my job at the college is done. As the day count grows smaller, the days grow longer. It's been draining my spirit, i think im just sick of getting up early. But one thing that working there has taught me, is that your creation needs to have curb appeal when yours is one of many to choose from. The same ingredients cooked with this in mind will look better and sell better.

Living in a house with a few classically trained chefs, I joke that when cooking for myself the presentation is usually "Slop on a Plate with Crap in it." But of course when it comes to work im doing for someone else, I'm learning to present my creations better. I'm considering making a real portfolio that I can show, something more presentable than a binder of drawings in plastic sleeves, y'know?


Commission Status: OPEN
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Pencil Sketches:
Bust: $8 - Full Body: $12 - Scene: $18
Pencil shaded:
Bust: $12 - Full Body: $18 - Scene: $25
Digitally Shaded/Colored:
Bust: $18 - Full Body: $25 - Scene $35


Currently Working On/Avoiding Completion of
-- CG Girl [link] - Animatiing

Last minute kinda thing, ~Chrystalynn and I are heading up to Toronto this Sunday to check out the ComiCON thingie thats going on there. Figured it'd be a good chance to see some cool art and check out artist alley. Good times. Anyone else going to be there?


Commission Status: OPEN
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Pencil Sketches:
Bust: $8 - Full Body: $12 - Scene: $18
Pencil shaded:
Bust: $12 - Full Body: $18 - Scene: $25
Digitally Shaded/Colored:
Bust: $18 - Full Body: $25 - Scene $35


Currently Working On/Avoiding Completion of
-- CG Girl [link] - Animatiing

I get in this funk sometimes where I look around at my life and pursuits, and feel unsatisfied. "This is where I am" vs. "This is where I want to be" and letting the gap get me too depressed to figure out a way from A to B. Like an accumulated debt from going to college, living in an expensive city, and general financial irresponsibility.

It would seem that a debt from pursuing an art career should be resolved by continuing to pursue that high paying art job, but bills still need to be paid. Remember that you can be drained by working harder instead of smarter; working long hours of low paying part time jobs instead of doing what you love. It’s like fighting a boss with a pointed stick instead of training your magic sword. Don’t spend so much energy working overtime that you are too exhausted to pursue what’s really important to you.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying always keep your head in the future. Living and loving in the moment, that’s the point. Seize the moment instead of being passive about pursuing your path. It can be easy to fall into a trap; like not putting effort toward it because you don’t see results, which of course circles back around to not having put effort into it. Like the joke about the guy who begs God to win the lottery, and the punch line is that he never bought a ticket.

Traps like this usually result in a weakened will, lowered faith, and general apathy. This means that you might want to look into adjusting your current strategy. The first step toward improvement is realizing that there is a problem, so being observant of yourself and your environment is invaluable. In the case of a creative block, a lack of knowledge could be solved by researching, networking, and generally poking away at the problem from different angles. This is the age of communication, and people today have more resources available to them than ever before. I’ve tried things like involving myself on industry forums, reading tutorials, learning from better artists, learning how to learn from better artists, etc.

When you take a few steps toward battling the source of your problem, you’ll be creating momentum that can propel you even further along that path. Be a well aimed cannon rather than a loose and frantic one exhausting itself by firing around in less effective ways. Intelligent problem solving can help you find the weak spot and attack it instead of being frustrated by waiting for a miracle to fall in your lap.


Commission Status: OPEN
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Pencil Sketches:
Bust: $8 - Full Body: $12 - Scene: $18
Pencil shaded:
Bust: $12 - Full Body: $18 - Scene: $25
Digitally Shaded/Colored:
Bust: $18 - Full Body: $25 - Scene $35


Currently Working On/Avoiding Completion of
-- CG Girl [link] - Animatiing

Continuing from my last entry...

I've kinda been in this funk most of my life where I look around at where I am in life and my pursuits, and dont feel satisfied. "This is where I am" vs. "This is where I want to be" and letting the gap get me too depressed to figure out a way from A to B. For example, me whining about how I have all this debt from going to college for art and living on my own for a while in an expensive city.

It always seemed natural that, because the majority of my financial situation came from pursuing an art career, that said problem should be solved in the same way. But I've always been drained by working harder instead of smarter; 55 hours of cooking and (more or less) babysitting for low pay, instead of doing what I love that pays incredibly well. I used the example of "fighting a boss with a pointed stick instead of training my magic sword" recently.

My lack of artistic knowledge and growth was a burden, but now I'm researching, networking, and generally poking away at this problem. Involving myself on industry forums, reading tutorials, learning from better artists, learning how to learn from better artists, etc. Amazing how what you're depressed about not having is usually only a few steps away.

So yeah, intelligent problem solving rather than just waiting for a miracle to fall in my lap.

To quote the new Celldweller song 'Birthright':
"You're a fool if you think you were born to be waiting, while you're hating, what you're waiting for." Funny that I'm working on a piece inspired by that song, and really making an effort to expand my knowledge so it will look awesome.


Commission Status: OPEN
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Pencil Sketches:
Bust: $8 - Full Body: $12 - Scene: $18
Pencil shaded:
Bust: $12 - Full Body: $18 - Scene: $25
Digitally Shaded/Colored:
Bust: $18 - Full Body: $25 - Scene $35


Currently Working On/Avoiding Completion of
-- CG Girl [link] - Animatiing

my mind is a pretty busy place in general. Thoughts come and go with little effort, and they rarely seem relevant in any way to what I’m doing at the moment. I started listening to music for the first hour of work because i dont care for the inconstructive and negative thoughts i have in the morning. I can still hear my thoughts over the music, but if they’re unimportant then I just try to get back into the song. Then I serve breakfast for 2 hours, which is raerly even close to busy, so again I have time to think. Today, once again, I slipped into the rut of how pissed off I am about little shit I do. or, more specifically, don’t do that i should be. these thoughts are raely constructive, as usual, so i’ve nee trying something else.

Whenever my mind is overwhelmed, its often hard to remember any solutions or genuine gripes I come up with, so i started writing them down. Just whatevers on my mind, I write. If I write something that deserves exploring, then I look into it more and ask myself questions about why I feel this way. For some reason I feel the need to put a rhyme scheme at first, but then I realize that this puts an uneccesary clause on venting whats in my mind.

I don’t know if this will work or not, but it seems a good alternative to remembering and exploring important things rather than trusting my memory. My attention span isnt so hot, especially with so much going on in my head at once. Today I thought about why I feel art is a pain rather than a joy sometimes. Why it seems more like work than fun. I think its because I usually am unsure of what will make what I am working on look right. A lack of planning and research that would make it look better, if you will. The obvious soultuion there is the internet... If i dont know how to texture a certain material, theres a plethora of examples online, etc etc.

Well, hope this new method will prove more fruitful than whatever i was doing before.

Clubs:



Commission Status: OPEN
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Pencil Sketches:
Bust: $8 - Full Body: $12 - Scene: $18
Pencil shaded:
Bust: $12 - Full Body: $18 - Scene: $25
Digitally Shaded/Colored:
Bust: $18 - Full Body: $25 - Scene $35


Currently Working On/Avoiding Completion of
-- CG Girl [link] - Texturing - 75%
-- Swamp Hag [link] - Modeling - 50%

i wrote this at my teaching job friday. needed to vent, i guess.


life throws the gauntlet at you.
through strife we can grow,
or is that just something we just tell ourselves?
where are the role models in this world?
everyone i used to look up to has fallen from grace.
it’s probably just a phase, i’ve had them too.
there is no comparing me to you,
but i see a bit of you in me.
your struggles of now were like mine once.
it took me a while to figure it out, too.
Did I? Or is it just something i’ve gotten used to?
a little ball of zen in class 5 rapids.
everyone asks why im pissed, when i’m not.
at least not until they ask whats wrong.
you think you can judge my emotion?
your experiences of me have only shown a fraction.
an everclearer lens for a powerful light
that can focus darkness with greater ease.
so much easier to hate than love.
no wonder so few actually give a shit.

i care. why?
because i couldn’t stop if i tried.
fuck.



Clubs:



Commission Status: OPEN
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3.

Pencil Sketches:
Bust: $8 - Full Body: $12 - Scene: $18
Pencil shaded:
Bust: $12 - Full Body: $18 - Scene: $25
Digitally Shaded/Colored:
Bust: $18 - Full Body: $25 - Scene $35


Currently Working On/Avoiding Completion of
-- CG Girl [link] - Texturing - 75%
-- Swamp Hag [link] - Modeling - 50%